What’s Going on in Your Head?
A question often asked but always in the context which doesn’t resonate well with the same intent!
We have been that effective communication is the key to solve all your hurdles, especially in life. This is a great hack to get through the issues, confusion, and anxiety you may be facing. But today, I want to break down its effective communication piece and decipher the real components of it. What I have read is the tone, right set of words, and the medium to use to communicate. Of course, face to face is always better than a virtual format even after being so tech-savvy because those virtual spaces don’t offer a chance to build that emotional connection. Yet, with technology taking strides towards a shift and post this pandemic, people will focus on building effective communication virtually.
The other two components as I mentioned above are the tone and choosing right set of words to make the person understand. But often, after having all these three in place, the communication lags big time. It miserable fails and that's when you think, you shouldn't have talked only. If you have faced this situation ever in your life, then I have an advice for you and would encourage to read further!
Along with the pieces mentioned, Time & HeadSpace of another person is more important when you discuss about the personal life. Miscommunication happens, it is usual and that’s when you think to understand the perspective and subject matter as to why they reacted in such a manner. To end that confusion you have a discussion with an open mind and not to pick up another feud. So, please give in time to let the matter information synthesize and let the things flow into a usual manner before you discuss it out. Your state of mind has such a vital role that it helps you to freely discuss and express your viewpoints. You should make sure that the receiver is in an equally relaxed mode wherein he will encourage such a discussion. Everyone has their own pace to get over the matter, few want to discuss it right away and close, others want to think about it with a clear head and then take a decision. So, appreciate the efforts and seek a right time to discuss the issue.
Why time is another key component? It is because even if the person is in a relaxed mode and is ready to talk it out, often he has other things running parallel in his mind (maybe a work-related deadline or personal matter). This again will cause him to lose focus and attention to what you are saying. You won’t be able to deal with the conjectures he might have with you. Closing remarks on time would be don’t stretch the matter too long, keep it short, concise to convey what you want to, and close the matter.
After the Knowledge piece: Here’s some real advice to handle such life-events, which will keep cropping up!
A million-dollar question is “What’s going on on your head?” My first advice is to please be careful of the tone this question is asked in. The majority of times, this question is put not to know what’s actually running in your head and understand it, but just to see your thought process. They just want to get a hint and blabber what they feel is right and higher chances that they will just try to prove that what they think is right. You have been thinking that it was supposed to be an open discussion, keeping the decision factors aside but that doesn’t happen in real scenario maximum times.
A question that seems so open-ended and meant to hear out your side of the story is only used as a sword to prove a point. It sounds unreal but becomes maddening when you realize that you have been wasting all your time to explain your feelings. My advice is to choose and assess the people wisely, to whom you owe an explanation, and proper closure. And to which set you just have to nod and set the agreeable terms to close the matter because all such people require is a validation of them being right. I am not saying these people are wrong but they will never understand the psyche or trauma you have gone through, so you may want to save your emotional space for getting re-disturbed. Another important thing is don’t start acting weird with them, sometimes people don’t know but they are not good listeners and it’s okay.
I am an outspoken person and have often been swayed by this question when I have realized that the person wants to know my headspace and understand me. I have been taken aback by the response I have received wherein instead of coming up with advice or a discussion, they come up with a conclusion. And over time I have stopped answering this question or I answer it in a very casual way which has helped me in keeping my head sane. So, You don’t need to occupy too much of mind space which such events in future, just accept the people as they are and act accordingly!!
